my lil’ scrapboxes

cold bites me.. through my bones.. had laid my head on my pillow, but.. sumthing awakes me.. mayb d cold did. neither d cold inside my heart.. or is it outside? d weather? dun hv a clue. mayb both. maub it comes from d heart.. or…?? would sum1 tell me? mayb not.. or mayb yes?? sumday on an odd day??

holding my pillow n dreaming of sum1 who’ll b hold by me.. wishing dat sumday i’ll holding sum1 n dreaming of my pillow. mayb.. sumday.. if d day comes.. sooo long awaiting. no rimes, no reasons.. i’ll juz make d miracle of u. mayb its too cold here n there.. here, or.. inside my heart.. but, know one thing.. theres a lil bonfire here, inside my heart. waiting sum1 to be there n feeling its warmth with me.. is it there? or… is it juz my ‘magination?? mayb bith.. or neither do ‘em…

is there’ll b sum1 show me d meaning of true luv dat i still cant believe until now?? umm… is it juz me who thinks dat luv isnt so beautiful when u’re not willing 2 b there, sacrifice all d moments of winning such a gr8 deal juz 4 being there for ur lovely one?! isnt it love so beautiful when… having sum1 who’ll hold u on d coldest nite, hottest day, or even on a warnth of d days passing by?! having sum1 on d greatest day of your life.. and d worst day on your life… day by day.. knowing dat sum1 will b there for you after a long-rough day… mayb dats not so beautiful for any of ‘em. its not so beautiful when… sum1 finds out dat ur love is on d hand of a broken-home girl..

there’ll b aint no joy, aint no laughter.. aint no sharing.. when u knows dat she cames from a mom which hv more than a husb, bro whose been so naughty on his younger age… dat… shes been losing sumthing d most important by accident which broke her heart into… made her a girl who’ll not believing on any other guy again since her brother n her other -mom’s-dude left so many scarrs inside her heart. aint no joy, aint no laughter, aint no acceptance of dis girl.. wil it b a love for her??? dun think so…

guy.. men… boys.. will fallin’ for her.. when they’re not knowing her fam background.. after seeing d worst part of her.. for hving such a bad fam at d past -even if they’re changing already now-, for having such a -not-pretty-face-, for being not a well-finance girl… there’ll be aint no joys.. no laughter.. no acceptance… there’ll b no look on her inside things.. her heart, her warmth, for being so caring for her fam even if they’re hurting her so many times.. for being there at d moment they dont want her to be there… being there, caring for a fams.. even if they’re bad.. that’ll b sooo bad.. greatest mistakes for almost of d guy..

yeah… there’ll b aint no love mayb… is it too hard of hoping dat sumday, sum other day.. there’ll b a man, real one… sum1 who’ll b there juz because he wants to be there for her.. supporting her.. n her fam.. being there.. be a shoulder to cry on, be a joy to celebrate.. sum1 who’ll treat her like a real woman.. sum1 who’ll admire her juz as d way she is.. for being her.. trully her..

there’ll b aint no love.. aint no joys to celebrate.. aint no warmth which’ll change d coldest nite to b a warmest nite ever.. aint non -being-there-juz-for-you… for a girl with such a bad past around her… mayb.. juz mayb.. a big mayb… theres still sum1 whill b there for her… if we believe in God.. there’ll b a day for her.. a man for her..

pffiufh.. already at d end of dis year… x-mas is 4 days away.. listening at dis songs.. so peace.. reminds me of x=mas time dat has been away..yep, awake in late mourn.. like usual.. g tau knp tb2 kebangun tngh mlm gini.. sum sorta things in my mind, i guess.. ud bukan lg tngh mlm.. tp ud subuh ni.. ;p

[ vanessa mae - retro ]
humm… 2 days from nu year… plans what’ll i do next year.. ok, mayb i’ll juz make sum to-do-list.. ten things to do mayb?! yeah.. juz make my fingers bussy, n my minds unbussy..

>> first : i’ll do whateva things on my best efforts. my school, works, life, fams.. luv mayb, if i hv one.. on my best efforts. give it all in His hands, n do ur best efforts..
>> second : i’ll get bestfriend on uni.. since i hvnt hv any close or really best friend now.
>> third : say less, thinks more. prevents urself of being so bubbling-so annoying n also preventing of arguing w/sum1.
>> fourth : able to cover up ur moods.. even if u really hates d situation or d ppl u hang out with. not good showing off ur bad one while u didnt like sum1 or sumthing happening.
>> fifth : catch up w/ more guys, try to hang out w/’em -even if u’r insecure-, knowing ‘em more mayb u’ll find one really gr8 guy..
>> sixth : open up ur heart for a nu relationship.. either w/guy or girl. both will b helpful. guy : strengthen u, girl : b there when u need ‘em to share sumthin’
>> seventh : try to trust ‘em, guy i mean. they’re not always so bad.. learn sumthin’ from ‘em. let urself “hanging on” sum1
>> eighth : be more helpful, more supportive, more positive, *open up* ur eyes – seeing all things around u-, look on every bright sides of things
>> nineth : still, be thankful for all u hv in life, even if d worst part
>> tenth : more smiling, more supporting n caring. w/ur fams, friends.. n even ur boyfriend.. if u hv one in d next year